3 Reasons Why You Need To Support Racism

The recent spate of racist attacks on Indians in Australia has sparked yet another witch hunt, and people are grabbing their torches and heading out in the world to drive off the “racism menace”.  That their torches are electric, and the best they could do with them is whack someone over the head, rather than setting fire to their house, is unimportant at the moment – it is the intention that matters.  Do you believe in the following things?

1. Equal opportunity employment
2. Reducing our reliance on fossil fuels
3. 24 hour assistance

Then you need to support racism.

1. Equal Opportunity Employment

The KKK's "halloween on a budget"

Meet Bob (not in the photo).  All his life he has dreamed of being a member of the Ku Klux Klan, and yet they won’t accept him.  Why?  Because he is blind – and not blind to the truth like some may think, but blind as in “wouldn’t trust him with your grandmother and a busy road” blind.  At the moment the Ku Klux Klan discriminates against those who are blind, because if you can’t see the colour of a person’s skin, what use are you to them?  You can’t just walk into Harlem and ask the nearest person you hear walk by, “excuse me, you’re not a nigger by any chance?”  After all, if they were, they’d hardly say yes if you have a gun in your hand.

But here in Australia it’s different.  We have quite a sizeable population of Indians that Bob could attack.  How?  Well, they smell of curry, my friends.  Pungent aromas from the subcontinent.  Just like white people smell like milk to Asians, so do Indians smell like curry to white people.  And Bob can use this to his advantage – if he can distinguish by smell those who he should attack, then suddenly the KKK will be able to employ him.  Bob will finally get the chance to fulfil his dream – do you have the heart to take that away from him?

2. Reducing our reliance on fossil fuels

KKK members in disarray as caterer forgets to bring marshmallows

Atheism is (supposedly) on the rise.  Christians are renouncing their beliefs in God.  What does this leave?  A whole lot of spare crosses lying around that no one is using – crosses that are taking up valuable space, that are filling up our landfills.  Why not burn them instead?  Electricity rates in America are on the rise, and with the recession many people are being forced out of their homes.  So for those who cannot pay for heating, or don’t have an appliance to heat themselves with, crosses provide a valuable alternative.  Not only that, they don’t need oil from the Middle East to run either.  I envisage a world where we could power ourselves purely on the crosses and holy items of the religions that are abandoned.  Except for Scientology – Tom Cruise is too small to bother burning.  Plus it’d be hard to set him on fire, what with him jumping around on your furniture and all.

The KKK are the only organisation so far to take this valuable step, and yet we deride them.  The anti-racists would have us increase our reliance on fossil fuels!  The KKK are providing a light into the future – a big, burning, cross-shaped light.  We complain about petrol prices when the solution is right under our noses.

3. 24 hour assistance

Good evening, sir. Are you interested in purchasing a photo of a call centre?

Do you want 24 hour assistance?  Do you want to be able to call up at any time and be provided with expert advice, help with your phone bill, or to make a complaint?  If Australians keep pursuing their vicious anti-racist stance, then all these options will be things of the past.  If Australia welcomes with open arms people of all races, including Indians, then that is exactly what will happen!  They will be welcomed.  More and more will come to our shores, meaning less and less in their respective countries of origins.  Meaning less Indians in India.  Less Indians to work in call centres in India.  Reduced service to the rest of the world who desperately need expert advice at any time.  Already the call centre queues are excessive – do we really expect that shooting ourselves in the foot like this is going to make waiting times any better?

We hunted Dodos to extinction – the same with Tasmanian Devils.  And to this day we still regret it.  A hundred years into the future, will we be regretting the downfall of racism too?