Some theatre each day keeps the doctor away…

A Day Passed

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I think one of the most frightening things about depression is that you don’t even want to read, let alone do something proactively creative.  Even more passive pleasures like television lose their allure.  I printed out Tchaikovsky’s Romance in F minor, Op 5 – the encore played at the concert on Saturday – and I can’t even be bothered to clear the mess away from my piano so that I might try and teach myself a piece for the first time in many, many years.

What does one do when play becomes a struggle?  (‘Play’ as in ‘leisure’.)  Or rather, what does one do when leisure becomes a struggle?

Make a cup of tea.  That I can do.

So tonight I watched the first half an hour of Amadeus, the first five or so minutes of 54, the first five or so minutes of Boogie Nights, the first couple of minutes of Rebel Without a Cause, the first fifteen minutes or so of Magnolia, the first few minutes of American Beauty, the first four minutes of The Untouchables, and the first ten or so minutes of The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (which just so happens to be the only movie out of all of them that I’ve seen).  (Well, I saw the end of 54 the other month on TV…  Though the only reason I had that was that it was in a double-case with Boogie Nights, and I fetched Boogie Nights from the DVD case/ladder/holder/whatever-it’s-called.)

Obvious Truth #23498: Liking a writer is like being in love with someone – you love them despite their flaws.

Up to letter 39, though I think I was reading more for the duty I have to reading than any pleasure, though the lack of pleasure lies entirely with me, not the book.  I read today that Harold Bloom likes to reread Clarissa once a year.  (Good Lord!)  Apparently he reads very fast.  Speed reads or something.  I can sort of read without pronouncing  the words in my head, and I could probably do it quite well if I bothered to practise it, but then I worry that I wouldn’t be getting all the nuance that the writer had put into the words…

Watched a few episodes of a TV game show called Randling as well.


Written by epistemysics

December 10, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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